


Thoughts

by morguevampire



Category: Burnt (2015)
Genre: First Time, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 13:18:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19151815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morguevampire/pseuds/morguevampire
Summary: Tony thought Adam Jones was dead.Tony thought he would never see Adam Jones again.Tony thought he would somehow get over Adam Jones.Tony thought not everything is possible and that he would just have to accept that.Yes, Tony Balerdi thought a lot of things, long ago, during his teenage years he even thought he was straight.But now Adam Jones was back. And Tony thought wrong.





	Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> ¡Hola!  
> this is not my first time writing a little fic but it's definitely my first time posting it, so that everybody in the universe can see how these two love sick idiots have me wrapped around their fingers. i wanted to explore a more fragile, insecure side of Adam. 
> 
> by the way: i'm not a native english speaker so if certain parts don't make any sense or there's spelling or grammar mistakes, do tell me!  
> also, let me know what you think in general! 
> 
> ok, auf Wiedersehen

Tony thought Adam Jones was dead.  
Tony thought he would never see Adam Jones again.  
Tony thought he would somehow get over Adam Jones.  
Tony thought not everything is possible and he would just have to accept that.  
Yes, Tony Balerdi thought a lot of things, long ago, during his teenage years he even thought he was straight. 

But now Adam Jones was back. And Tony thought wrong.  
He wanted to take over his restaurant, get that damned third star and apparently make amends for his huge fuck up in Paris.  
And what else would Tony do but forgive him and let him back into his life with open fucking arms, even if there was a bit of resentment still in his bones. Mostly it was uncertainty and his therapist’s voice in his head, screaming to not completely throw away all of his progress.  
But Adam was right when he said his dad would have fired him years ago, and maybe Tony wanted to make Papá proud but more so he wanted to see Adam achieve his dreams. In all those years, during all those sleepless nights and heartbroken days when Tony went through the stages of grief over Adams disappearance, he still longed for nothing more than to see this man thrive and be happy and successful. And of course, alive.  
So, he let him take over and once again, take everything Tony had to offer. 

Tony had a lot to offer and he also had a lot of patience but when it was the 24th time the maids told reception that they couldn’t clean room number 656 because the “Do Not Disturb” sign was a constant accessory of the door, Tony just had to go up and check whether there wasn’t anything rotting or perhaps the whole room in ruins. 

It was 10 a.m. and a Monday, which meant no lunch service at the restaurant and assumedly the ever so ambitious chef would be out getting fresh ingredients or try street food or who knows what, as long as he wasn’t getting high or drunk.  
Thus, Tony let himself in with the master key and…  
“¡Joder!”  
He entered the room slowly, looking at the plates of half-finished food, discarded clothes on the floor, messy bed and drawn blinds which let in just the faintest bit of sunlight. It was worse than the other times he came up here.  
“Ay, ay Adam, sigues siendo un caot loco.” 

“You talking to or about me?”  
And suddenly he stood there, freshly out of the shower, only with a towel wrapped around the waist…, again.  
Tony painfully remembered the last time he saw him like this, when he brought him the invitation for Reece’s opening night and had to go through the terrors of Adam telling him he knew about his feelings. 

Caught off guard he tried to be professional and put on his maître d’ tone.  
“The maids would be pleased to clean once in a while, maybe wash your clothes as well. As would I.” 

“Oh, you wanna wash my dirty underwear?” 

Just like that Tony lost all his professionality and had to look at his shoes because of course Adam would just take the piss.  
Tony had to remember when he smelled one of Adams shirt, exactly in this room, shortly after his arrival because he wanted to know. Wanted to be sure that it’s real, that Adam is here and alive and wore the same cologne that Tony gifted him for his birthday in the early days of Paris. 

Adam must have noticed how uncomfortable Tony felt and decided not to tease anymore and instead be reasonable for once.  
“Yeah, no, you’re right. Between all the pressure in the kitchen, the long hours and the experiments I can’t seem to find the time to clean. But actually, that’s nonsense and just a dumb excuse. You of all people should know I’m chaotic.” 

Tony looked up and saw that goofy smile of Adam and yes, he knew. In Paris, before it turned into the drug filled chaotic, Adam was always on his feet, always swirling around, always working and never wasting time with useless things that wouldn’t profit his career, like folding clothes for example. 

Tony also noticed Adam was still just in his towel and decided he needed to get out as soon as possible because it got considerably harder not to constantly stare at that chest of his. 

“Right, so I will tell the maids to come in… perhaps once a week?” 

“Sounds good. Thank you, Tony.” 

It sounded sincere, which was weird because it was just a simple call to reception to tell them that Adam Jones is willing to have a clean space, so Tony simply waved his hand in the typical “it’s nothing” gesture and turned to leave. 

“No, Tony. I mean it.” Adam sounded different. Somehow nervous and Tony had to turn around and stare at him, confused by his tone and sincerity.  
“Listen, I’ve wanted to say it for a while now.” Adam paused. Long. “But I truly have to thank you.”  
For once he was the one staring at the floor, fidgeting and sort of stuttering his way through his declaration of gratitude.  
“I’ve fucked up. Big time… No, actually mega big grand time. And yet, there’s… you. No matter what sort of mess I make, you’re there and you take me in and you believe in me and you care.”  
His voice breaks during the last words and Tony knows he looks more stunned than ever but he can’t hide his surprise at this soft, fragile side of Adam Jones. 

“Listen, I’ve… I’ve never had that in my life. I don’t know why I’m telling you, because you know about my family and my issues but you’re the only one that really, truly cares and that understands and you’re always here. Even when I don’t even deserve it. After what I’ve done, you have no reason to even so much as look at me and yet…. I don’t understand why, Little Tony?”

Tony’s heart aches. And he has to ball his hands into fists to not completely lose his control and scream in Adam’s face that he obviously KNOWS why he cares. He fucking KNOWS that he LOVES him and that he can’t forget him and that he will always be there for him. Always. 

All that comes out is a quiet “You know why.” though and it sounds pathetic and Tony feels pathetic and wants to just leave and bury himself in work in his office. 

But Adam steps closer and mutters “I’ve thought a lot about that too.” 

Tony holds his breath. Here it is. Adam telling him to get over his stupid crush and finally act professional. Adam telling him he can’t work with a lovesick maître d’.  
He just wants it to be over. He wants to hear Adam say he’s leaving again or whatever. Or rather, he just wants him to be gone already. 

“I’ve had a plan in my mind, how to tell you. You are kind of catching me off guard here.” 

Tony finally lets the air back out of his lung in a kind of mixture between a huff and a laugh and suddenly also his voice comes back. Not loud but still, because when the fuck is Adam Jones ever caught off guard. Especially by Little Tony. 

“Adam, what are you talking about?” 

He steps even closer. Now it’s not business or professional anymore. Now it’s an invasion of personal space.  
“Listen, I’ve been thinking. And…” Adam seems really nervous now. Unsure even. “You need to know, that I have this list. This list of people that actually mean something to me and that I think about during nights when I can’t sleep and you are right there on the top.” 

Tony just stares. Unsure of what’s to come but never before having been this close to the edge of a fucking breakdown or something. 

“You are right up there. And you are in my thoughts. All the time. Really… I mean, the only time my mind is ever not filled with your stupid soft face is when there’s shit going down in the kitchen and when I cook but then you march in all graceful and it kills me, Tony. It kills me and I don’t know how to fucking cope with it?” 

Tony knows his mouth is open and he’s absolutely not sure in which direction this rant is going but there’s a flicker of hope welling up in his chest and he can particularly feel his heart beating out of his chest.  
On one had it sounds like Adam is declaring his… his love? Or something similar? and on the other hand it could also just be a wakeup call for Tony to leave him the fuck alone and stop invading his life. Maybe it’s guilt and Adam doesn’t know what to do with it and Tony just haunts him. 

“Anyways. I sound harsh. I’m sorry.”  
Adam steps right up in front of Tony and he has to crane his neck to follow those blue eyes because this next bit seems to be important. And it is and Tony almost loses it and his knees turn to jelly or rather the unbelievably giggly, disgusting panna cotta they served before Adam arrived in the Langham and replaced their incompetent chef.  
Adam’s hand is cupping Tony’s cheek and he feels his breath, short and just as nervous as his own on his face. 

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you, Little Tony. And I don’t really know what to do besides tell you. And apologize for being a fuck up and thank you for still being here when I finally realized how stupid I was. I mean, if you still… you know...” Adam turns red, which is a sight that usually just happens when he loses his temper in the kitchen. “…will have me… then I’d like to kiss you.”  
It’s barely more than a whisper but it’s enough for Tony to lean forward and connect their mouths.  
Finally.  
It’s tender. Unsure on both sides but in a blink and after a short pause where they both exhale due to relive it turns into desperation for each other. 

Suddenly there’s tongues involved and hands all over each other’s bodies. Adam’s run through Tony’s well-kept, slicked back hair while Tony takes advantage of the naked torso and roams his hand all over Adam’s chest and then clings to his back. 

Adams stubble feels perfect against Tony’s not quite soft but still clean-shaven face and he needs to taste. Taste what he has longed for all this time. He starts trailing kisses along Adam’s jaw and down his neck. Feeling that scratchy sensation against his lips and breathing in the fresh smell of Adam Jones, mixed with the softest hint of the Langham’s own shower gel.  
He hears him moan when he sucks on a spot for a bit longer. Not long enough for a hickey because they sure as hell are out of this age but just to taste. 

“You’re wearing too much Tones.”  
Tony huffs against his neck and takes off his suit jacket in a hurry. He’s usually never the type to be careless with his expensive suits, he hates wrinkled clothes more than anything but right now he just feels hot and he wants to feel Adam’s rough hands on his bare skin.  
His face comes back up to taste those lips again while Adam is fumbling with his tie, quick, experienced fingers snatching it from the collar and dropping it to the floor, then quickly proceeding to the buttons of Tony’s dress shirt. 

They break apart again, their foreheads together, breathing heavily while Tony’s chest is being unrevealed in front of Adam.  
The shirt joins the pile of clothes on the floor and then fucking finally Adam’s hands explore his torso.  
It’s just touching and Adam seems… nervous. Unsure even, somehow all the usual confidence that radiates from his is nowhere to be found.  
He just looks. And feels. And Tony suddenly feels very self-conscious and feels his head and neck heat up and turn pink.  
“Beautiful.” It is barely a whisper that leaves Adam’s mouth but it is enough for Tony to forget his insecurity and connect their mouths again.  
The kiss only lasts a few seconds though because Adam is already breaking them apart again and Tony is getting confused at his behavior. He seems weirdly ridged and unsure which nags at Tony’s heart because he can already feel what’s coming.  
“Tony, I..”  
Oh no, the disappointment. The embarrassment. The anger. Tony’s mind goes through the worst scenarios of what happens now and he can’t believe he had been so foolish to believe Adam would actually fall in love with him. It’s a trick. Or an experiment, like the ones with food and he just wanted to try the queer thing for once but apparently, it’s not for him and the minute he noticed Tony does in fact have a masculine chest, no breasts, fain stubble on his face and an unbearable bulge in his trousers, Adam must have realized he doesn’t want this after all.  
So, Tony frees himself from Adams grip around his waist and steps back. He has to look down because he knows Adam can see utter disappointment and sadness written all over his face. His eyes sting and he slowly bends down to pick up his dress shirt. Which leads the first tear to drop onto it. You have to look up when you’re about to cry, to get the tears back in, Antonio.  
He has never been this embarrassed before, not even when during his apprenticeship as a waiter all those years ago he spilled an entire glass of wine over a guest. 

“Wait what are you doing?” Adam sounds desperate and Tony finally looks at him. Flushed with red lips from the kissing, a sight he needs to remember for when the nights get extra lonely and he just can’t cope with it anymore so he forces himself into his dream universe and hugs his pillows close. 

“I…” Still nothing comes out of Adam’s mouth and Tony guesses he’s never had to deal with rejecting sex when he was with women. Tony knows it’s embarrassing for him, probably… but definitely not as painful as for Tony who now has to fucking live each day knowing how Adam Jones’ body feels under his hands and what his kisses taste like.  
Tony forces himself to some control, straightens up, puts on his dress shirt, unbuttoned.  
“It’s okay Adam. I get it, you’ve changed your mind.” It hurts to speak the words out loud. It’s painful but Tony continues because he’s got to get out of here and hide in some cleaning closet in the staff quarter to let his emotions out. He picks up his tie and jacket and looks at Adam. Standing there like a kid, open mouth, with his hands caught in the cookie jar and regretting it.  
“I’ll just go back to my office. We can pretend this never happened.”  
And Tony wishes it was that easy. To pretend he didn’t kiss Adam Jones. The sensation is going to haunt him for weeks without end. He mentally takes a note to book a couple of extra therapy sessions because he’s going to be a complete mess and the restaurant needs to continue business even if Tony is an emotional wreckage.  
He slowly turns to leave, glancing at Adam again. Who has only stuttered a few bits until now, always trying to start a sentence and failing miserably. 

“Tony, no… wait!” It’s desperate and followed by a pathetic sounding “please” which leads Tony to turn around again and give Adam one more chance to break his heart even more, with words this time. 

“Please stay.”  
What for, Tony thinks. He huffs and is just about to tell Adam to eat his own tongue… again when Adam continues to talk, fast and frantic, as if he wants to get it over with as soon as possible.  
“I’m embarrassed, ok?... Listen I… I’ve never. You know, had sex with a… been with a…” 

“You’ve never fucked a guy, you mean?” Tony exhales, exasperated by Adam’s stupid explanation. 

“Yes! And I don’t want to fuck this up.” He steps toward Tony again and he wants to back off because this is all getting too much and Tony is just a confused mess ever since he stepped foot into goddamned room number 656. 

“I want you. God knows I want you so bad but I’m so inexperienced with this. Not even only with the gay part but also with fucking somebody I actually care about and am in love with. I don’t want to mess this up, Tony. I don’t want you to think I’m a complete failure and be disappointed by my incapability to please you properly. I don’t want you to regret letting a straight guy jump you. I really, for once, don’t want to mess this up and I’m scared. I don’t know how to do this properly.” 

Tony loses it. He laughs, his entire body shakes with laughter. Suddenly his stinging eyes crinkle together and he can’t control himself. Adam Jones, fucking Adam Jones. The confident chef, the Casanova, is self-conscious because he’s never had gay sex before and is scared of being bad at it. 

He tries to control himself just so much that he can grab Adam’s face and press a kiss against his lips. “You’re an idiot.” He says it with a little giggle and then looks at Adam again. He really does look self-conscious. Unsure, embarrassed and like he truly means what he said.  
“I can’t believe Adam fucking Jones is afraid of being shit in bed. The ever so arrogant Adam Jones. I can’t believe it.” 

Adam laughs a little at this, because he knows it’s ridiculous and that’s why it took him so long to get it out. That’s why he almost let Tony believe he regretted this, simply because his pride is too fucking big and his ego is above everything else.  
Still it is true and he really just doesn’t want to mess this up and lose Tony because he can’t give him what he deserves. Not even necessarily with sex, but also because he never has had a relationship that lasted longer than 2 months and even in those two months he was the worst partner one could imagine. 

“I’m serious Tony. I don’t want to mess this up. Mess everything up again. I’m scared.” 

Tony softens and realizes he really is afraid. He leaves all the amusement concerning this declaration aside and strokes Adam’s scruffy cheeks with the back of his hand. Takes his other hand and intertwines their fingers. He needs to get this across as clearly as possible. Needs to assure Adam this is what Tony wants, they can do it, and the sex can’t be so bad that Tony suddenly falls out of love with the man he’s been dreaming about for years now. 

His voice softens, “we can do this Adam. I understand it all seems very overwhelming right now… I don’t blame you. I’m a mess too, you know that. But we will make this work. Or at least we’ll try.” 

Adam nods. 

“I’ve spent the majority of my time these past few years thinking about you. I missed you terribly. Even if you’ve never been with a man before, you can’t mess it up that bad, believe me. After all, you are skilled… in many ways.” 

This earns a smirk from Adam and Tony continues.  
“I can take the lead this time. We’ll show each other what we like.” Tony smiles. Trails a hand down Adam’s chest, ever so lightly. 

Adam shudders and then catches his mouth again, kissing fiercely, telling him that he’s ready. They are adults and not embarrassed, unexperienced teenagers who fumble around like fools. It’s the communication that’s important.  
Adam trails his hand down Tony’s back, feeling him shiver until he jumps a bit when he grabs Tony’s ass, pulling him closer and exploring his mouth, his neck, wanting to taste every inch of this irresistible man.  
But then Tony pulls them apart and Adam groans because he would be ready now. And he can’t wait much longer. 

“Adam, if we do this properly… and this doesn’t concern fucking.” He looks serious, almost like he’s instructing his service staff. “We talk, we talk about issues, about concerns, about our fucking feelings. No secrets, no beating around the bush. ¿Vale?” 

Adam nods, says yes in the most confident tone he can manage because he means it. This needs to work. This is a step into the right direction. Into the direction of getting better, of earning his third star, of finally not disappointing the people closest to him. 

Assured and finally ready to sleep with Adam fucking Jones, for real now, Tony crashes their mouths together once more. Lets his clothes fall on the floor again and shakes out of his still unbuttoned shirt to work on his belt. 

Adam turns them around and Tony’s knees hit the bed.  
He slips out of his suit trousers, never before having experienced them to be this tight. Shoes and socks are quickly removed as well and then he’s just sitting there, on the edge of the bed, in his Lacoste briefs staring up at Adam towering above him, still with the towel wrapped around his waist.  
It doesn’t feel like he’s dominating him though, because he still seems sort of nervous and unsure about what to do next, how to proceed.  
But Tony said he would take the lead and so he scoots back a bit and whispers a soft “Come here.”  
Adam obeys and positions himself over Tony, planting his hands on each side of his head and connecting their mouths.  
They kiss like that for some time, Adam hovering over Tony, Tony’s hands exploring his naked torso and messing up his still slightly wet hair.  
Tony usually isn’t necessarily the type to take first steps, especially with Adam Jones, since he always knew, or at least thought his feeling wouldn’t be reciprocated. Also during sex, with any man, Tony likes it best to be lead instead of leading. Maybe it comes due to his job, where he always has to lead a whole service team or maybe it’s simply because he is a bottom. Always has been. He just feels more comfortable and he loves being pressed into a mattress.  
Yet at this moment, he understands Adam is unsure and probably won’t advance anything, in fear of doing something wrong.  
So, Tony does, by slowly trailing his hand down Adam’s back and slipping his fingers underneath the towel, grabbing his ass cheeks.  
This earns him a deep moan from the man above him and encourages Tony to simply take the towel and get rid of it.  
Now he feels him. Adam’s boner, fully there, brushing ever so slightly against his inner thigh and Tony almost can’t fucking believe what’s happening. Instinctively he moves his hips upwards, wanting more contact and hopefully giving Adam a message of desperation. 

Adam starts to frantically trail kisses down his neck, proceeding by sucking in a nipple and feeling the softness of Tony’s belly.  
Tony breathes heavy the closer he gets to his throbbing bulge and then suddenly there’s a hand, stroking him through the fabric.  
His voice pitches when he tells Adam to take the stupid briefs off already and then they are equally naked, equally flushed and Adam’s mouth lands on his tip.  
He stars sucking his cock so leisurely, one might think he has actually slept with men before.  
It leaves Tony panting, looking down for a second to make eye contact with Adam and moaning at the sight of his mouth stretched around him. Mierda.

It continues for just a little bit, because Tony is about to lose it and just wants to feel Adam inside of him now. As fast as possible.  
They go back to their original position and kiss for another while until Adam pulls away.  
“We need a condom, right?”  
Tony simply nods and Adam gets up quickly to fish one out of one of his jeans left on the floor.  
“I thought you said “no more women”?”  
“Well, you don’t look like a woman to me.” Adam smirks and Tony huffs, waiting as patiently as he can for Adam to get back on top of him again.  
But Adam hesitates, stands at the foot of the bed, stark naked and so beautiful Tony almost can’t believe his eyes.  
Adam doesn’t make eye contact when he stumbles over his next words, too embarrassed about his confusion. “D- Do I?.. or do you?... I mean, put it.. you know?”  
Tony gives him a sort of pitying look and tries to speak as confident and assuring as possible.  
“I’m a bottom… Means I like to get fucked, but we can do whatever you feel like trying. As long as you’re comfortable, I don’t mind.” 

Adam looks shocked at first at the blunt words coming out of Tony’s mouth but quickly recovers when he realizes, it’s just sex. He’s done this a hundred times before, with women, and said a million dirtier things. 

“Then, I guess, I’ll put it on? And I’m the top.”  
And thus, he rips the package open, pulls the condom over his member and crawls back over Tony.  
Adam’s entire body seems to be shaking and Tony fears maybe he needs a little more explanation, so he tries to help him out and preps himself while Adam is still exploring his upper body with his tongue.  
Once he feels like he might explode unless Adam is inside him he spits into his hand, touches Adam’s cock for the first time (and oh it feels so wonderful in his hands, he can’t wait to feel it inside of him) and strokes him a few times before guiding him towards his entrance. Bending his knees and pulling his legs backwards as best as possible.  
Adam straightens himself up and looks. Tony stretched out beneath him. Hungry eyes, his chest quickly moving up and downwards and his entire body opening up to him. Basically, telling him to take everything he has to offer.  
He’s absolutely never felt what he felt in that moment. He’s unable to describe his emotions. He almost forgets to breathe while he stares until Tony whispers “Please, Adam.”  
That’s all it takes for Adam to finally, firmly but slowly press into him.  
It’s pure bliss for both of them. Tony welcomes the stretch, as unfamiliar as it is, since it’s been quite a while and Adam moans at the tightness. 

Slowly, and even a bit afraid that Tony could break underneath him, he starts to move and brings his body down again, to kiss those swollen lips of little Tony who’s got a mixture desperation, pleasure and longing written over his face.  
Just like their first kiss they start with a soft rhythm, gentle and tender movements. Quiet moans and blissful exhales until Tony gets desperate, claws at Adam’s shoulder with one hand and grabs his ass with his other, trying to push him forward. To get the message across that he needs more.  
And Adam complies, going faster, with deeper thrust and changing the angle slightly which forces a moan of unbelievable pleasure out of Tony.  
It doesn’t last too long, Tony is surprised he held out longer than Adam, considering he was the one being in love with him and imagining this for ages now.  
Adam finishes him off though, even when he is already an exhausted mess after he came and pulled out. Sweat forming on his forehead, like when its especially busy in the kitchen.  
Just the sight of that brings Tony to his release and his cum spreads out all over his belly. 

He hasn’t had such a great orgasm in ages and the best thing is, that Adam collapses half on top of him, burying his head in his neck and giving gentle kisses. Normally his daydream just ends abruptly after he comes into his own hand. 

They stay cuddled like this for a while, Tony stroking though Adams hair and Adam breathing against his neck, exhausted, almost motionless and wearing a stupid smirk against Tony’s neck.  
But then Tony feels his own cum drying on his belly and notices Adam hasn’t yet taken off the condom so, as dumb as disturbing this moment is, he declares they should get cleaned up. 

“You came here to complain about my messy lifestyle, please don’t expect me to actually get up now to clean” Adam grumbles, still with his face buried in Tony’s neck. 

Tony just lets himself laugh, a full on, out-of-the-bottom-of-his-belly-laugh because he couldn’t believe it. The ridiculousness of it all. Adam Jones, cuddled against him after sex, in one of the rooms of his father’s hotel, too comfortable to care about the mess and apparently in love with Tony.  
Yes, Tony thought wrong.  
Adam is alive, he’s back, he’s in love with him and everything is possible.


End file.
